{Thurs Aug 28}

New shoes (thanks to a sweet deal on eBay!) and some great quotes (kudos to TheGoodVibe.co).

Monday's Motivation: A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying. -B. F. Skinner

Oh the Irony!

On the 200th anniversary of the burning of the White House... (which is today, FYI)... there is slight irony in the fact the the British Embassy in Washington DC is holding a "White House BBQ" to commemorate the event. LOLOL.

http://time.com/3154675/white-house-burning-war-1812/

Striving

What are you living for? Perhaps a loaded question, I know, but when was the last time you stepped back (or looked in the mirror) and really thought about it? Do you live for days off, for a certain targeted amount of money in your RRSP/IRA, for 10 minutes of peace and quiet with a coffee before leaving for work? What do you live for?

I don't think there are necessarily any wrong answers here... Since we're all wired quite differently and we all have certain goals and lifestyles we hope to embody/achieve.

When I think about what I'm living for, it's mostly the accumulation of knowledge, experiences, and achievements. If you know me, this shouldn't be surprising. Not surprising at all, since my #1 strength on the Strengths-finder Test is Achiever. (Both times, since I took the test in my first and fourth years of university).

Twice I came up as an achiever. And as I reflect on my childhood, I am trying to think of what happened to make me base my personal worth on my actions. But I'll save that for another post!! For someone who has a reading list yay high, a "prospective masters degree" folder that consistently gets narrowed-down and then built back up again... for someone who can't stop improving her LinkedIn profile or organising pictures on Flickr, just for the sake of achieving another step of organisation... When does the madness end? I am an absolutely compulsive overachiever!

So when I ask myself, "What are you living for?" it's quite difficult to answer without immediately talking about achieving something. Aside from my goals, what am I living for?

I don't think I can answer that question honestly without involving goals. Hmmm.

Striving for the achievement of goals has been the single-most destructive force in my adult life-- one that has kept me well on the chaotic side of the Chaos-Peace spectrum. (And yes, I did just make that up, stop asking questions, haha). It has led me to achieve some pretty cool things, but it's also caused me to become paralyzed by the fear of failure, the fear of not achieving, and the fear of who I am (or appear to be) when all the accomplishments are stripped away.

If I could write a letter to my 17-year old self, I would start with, "Take a deep breath. Stop striving." Stop engaging in "opportunity cost"-style thinking, of constantly pondering the What If's and What Should Be's... Just STOP it! Goals are great, but they're not the essence of a happy life.

I saw this quote ^ today on Pinterest and it shifted my perspective from having my stomach in knots to feeling a deep calm. Today, I will focus on simply being instead of rushing to the next thing. I will stop putting conditions on things like happiness and worth.

If you struggle with achieving and performance-based worth, I highly encourage you to start meditating. Meditating doesn't need to be just sitting in silence (although it can). You can start by taking a few minutes and repeating a mantra that focuses your thoughts on something simple and encouraging. As Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book The Art of Power, "True happiness and true power lie in understanding yourself, accepting yourself, and having confidence in yourself."

So I encourage you today to step back and smile at yourself. Because no matter what you're living for, you are beautiful, you have worth, and you have the power to enjoy TODAY.

Ribbon ♫♫

#beautiful #acoustic #bbcradio1 #billiemarten

{Wed Aug 20}

From ELITE DAILY, here's an article titled "An Open Letter to the Girl Who Let the Nice Guy Go"... posted by my friend Alex, it's an interesting read. This one is also worth a read- Why Clinging To A Past Love Is Taking A Traumatizing Toll On Your Well-Being

Believe in Yourself

"I learned that it doesn’t matter how hard you work, if you don’t believe in yourself fear will stop you from accomplishing your dreams. ... Understand my friends that the absence of fear is impossible. If you’re doing anything worthwhile fear will be present. The key is still going out and doing it anyway despite that fear."  -Cornell Thomas, basketball player

Persistence

~ quote from a Lionspire article

"Without education, we are in a horrible and deadly danger of taking educated people seriously."
 -GK Chesterton

Yosemite National Park

^ west entrance to the park... HUGE wildfire from last summer- caused by people who had an illegal campfire in the national forest. 

^ You can see the damage caused by the wildfire

 

^ I found a huge cone from a sugar pine!  ^ View from the top of Yosemite Valley

^ Driving through the first part of Yosemite Valley

^ swimming in the freezing glacial water :)

^ getting creative on a hike to the base of Yosemite Falls 

^ no jumping from the what? ;)

Happy 49th, Mom!

Happy birthday to a woman who has and always will be the most beautiful person I know. She constantly gives of herself, she loves her family wholeheartedly, and she undisputedly bakes the world's best chocolate-chip banana bread. xo (PS my mum is top right)

Looking Back...

I found a few old pictures of my brothers with Max, our beloved collie. (Actually, our grandparents' collie, but we were over all the time). I have the cutest little brothers ever. :)

Self portrait // 10 Aug 2014

 

Healing

This blog is an eclectic mix of travel photos/stories, musings, songs, and quotes... So forgive me for bouncing around from one to another, especially if you've been trying to follow my "road trip" updates from May and June. :)

Today I really want to focus on healing and how important it is for the human heart. In Proverbs 4:23, it says "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Some versions say "for it determines the course of your life" or "for everything you do flows from it." As I reflect on all the heartache and confusion I've dealt with this past year, I can see that I haven't exactly heeded this proverb. Instead of acting out of wisdom and patience, I have been unwilling to forgive and too hasty to move forward (without taking time to HEAL).

I can't take back the hard times, I can't undo the hurt I have caused others and myself... But today I can choose to FORGIVE. Life is too short to harbour bitterness. And it's too short to be fearful of what comes next, just because we're unsure where our path leads. It's time to start living in the present-- in forgiveness, in LIFE, in new beginnings, and in faith that all things will work together for a higher purpose. And, just as my fortune cookie so aptly told me last night: "Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life."

By the River Piedra...

I just finished the book By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept by Paulo Coelho.  Although I didn't like it as much as The Zahir or The Alchemist, it was still a great, quick read.  The novel deals with a reunited love that had once been lost and the journeys that each person had to go through to get to the point of reunification.  I bookmarked about 15 pages of quotes that resonated with me.  Here are a few, which hopefully still convey a lot of meaning without knowing each's context.

"I closed my eyes and let the music flow through me, cleansing my soul of all fear and sin and reminding me that I am always better than I think and stronger than I believe."

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."

"I think that when we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we're alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange."

"It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path."

I highly recommend any of the three aforementioned books by Coelho. He is a writer who can capture deep, relatable emotions and weave a beautiful, thought-provoking story.

Thoughts about Life

As the summer winds down (crazy, right?!) it is almost impossible to not feel a bit anxious about life's next stage. Ever since university --or when I moved from Toronto to the States for university-- I have felt a bit nomadic, without a place to call my own home. Now, I know that deep down this is not true and that I do, in fact, have multiple options for setting down roots. I visit my family and friends in the GTA, in Tennessee, and in Virginia multiple times per year. And I really have been trying to network and connect in places like Denver or DC where I can see myself working for at least a few years.

However... I am still a wanderer, a lover of travel and observance, and of experiencing different people and cultures in a way that's vastly different and off-the-beaten-path. And although I am trying hard to "settle" somewhere and get a few years of serious work experience, I can't help but step back and ask myself WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?! I don't want a mortgage! I don't want car payments and getting stuck in traffic every day! If the purpose of life is to continually learn and share love, why would I want to "work for the man" (man being a corporation) when I could just spend a few years abroad? 

Well, my dilemma (apart from the fact that my entire family moved to the US, and if I leave for over a year I will lose my permanent resident status here!) is that I crave community. I crave the opportunity to KNOW and BE KNOWN by a consistent set of people-- ones who can encourage, inspire, and support each other as we all try to find meaning and purpose in this life. One of the huge problems I had with the crowd in Vail, Colorado, this past winter was that people didn't care about anything other than themselves. It was a very "live for the moment" mentality, which, in my opinion, doesn't contribute one bit to society in a positive way, other than the revenue from all the DUI charges and medical/retail marijuana taxes (that go to education, ironically). Yes, I did learn a lot about myself this winter. I also managed to spend some time improving my skiing skills, which were quite lacking when I first reached the slopes! And I made a few friends with whom I was able to connect with during and after work. 

But after moving several times after coming "home" after my year in China, all I feel is restless. Restless to start a career but apprehensive about how to go about achieving my dreams and not compromising my heart's desire to travel and connect with people, and to continuously teach and learn along the way.

If you have any advice or similar sentiments, I'd love to hear your thoughts. My email is cait.kooistra (at) gmail (dot) com. 

Big Sur, CA

Driving from L.A. to San Francisco and camping along the Pacific Coast Highway...
Definitely some of the most beautiful coastal scenery I've seen in my life.
Traveled with Chase, a coworker from Splendido at the Chateau in Beaver Creek.
June 2014.